What You’re Worth To Me

Lord I try to write
And make the perfect rhymes.
I think of what life is
And all I do is come up empty handed.
Im tired of writing empty words
I’m tired of wanting my own thoughts to
Be whats heard

Because what are they worth? A penny at best.
What are my words worth on the bestselling list?
A hint of fortune, a flicker of fame.
What else can I write
Its all been written
What else can I say?
It will just be forgotten.

Sometimes I feel like you put something on my heart
Then ill put it to ink,
But it doesn’t leave a mark.

I have waited years
To hear from your voice
I have hungerd for words
But then hunger became a curse
When my words became more
Than you who spoke
When did i begin to think
That it was me who wrote?

The things that are beautiful,  that pierces one’s heart.
Every line written, every work of art.
Each flower that bloomed from Creation till now, every creature that breathes, from the birds to the cows.
It all points to you.  It all gives You praise
What gives me right to think I shouldn’t do the same?
My words are meaningless. They’ll burn up like grass.
Each letter is a memory. Soon it will all pass.
My thoughts will become nothing, Articfacts of old. My tales of splendor now, will never be retold.
The only thing thats left, This one thing remains. The only thing worth saving, (if we are capable to save).
The only thing that stands in my ever moving mind, is the words you have spoken Lord, they have stood through time.
My life is nothing special,  but special you are to me.
I hope my simple words praise you. I hope they show you as my King.
I hope they give a glimpse, of what I have down inside.
I hope they show my struggle, how sometimes I want to hide.
I want them to be convicting, mainly to my heart. I want you to speak between the lines. I want you to place each mark.
In the end I know, this one thing I have seen,
All that my life is worth, is only what you’re worth to me.

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My Struggle With Diligence

Lately I have felt so unmotivated to read, study, write, even pray. I don’t feel inspired or close to God.  Sometimes, I will feel like this for months, of just being numb. I know how hard hard it is to read and pray everyday.  It shouldn’t be…. but for me it is the most difficult thing to do sometimes. Either I’m too tired or just lazy. I don’t feel like reading the Bible because I don’t want to put the effort into it. I would rather relax by doing my own thing like watching YouTube videos, reading books, listening to music, or watching tv. I know that Christians in other countries have died trying to get Bibles and that many people and have died for God’s Word. I have been told that and guilt tripped my whole life into reading my Bible. Either by teachers at school, elders at church, even my friends. Yeah I feel guilty for not reading it… but I won’t feel convicted. God’s conviction will do alot more to my heart than someone making me feel guilty ever will.

So reading the Bible and praying is the most basic thing in the Christian walk. Yet also the most crucial…. and difficult. Sometimes, I will read my Bible consistently and I will feel so close to God. Other times, I won’t read for a month and I will just feel… numb. I know this isn’t how the Christian walk is suppose to be. Whenever I feel detached from God, that is when it’s crucial that I read and pray! Not give it a break and try again later because God apparently isn’t in a talkative mood at the moment. No, when He remains silent it is then that I should remain diligent!

Proverbs 13:4 “The soul of the luggars desireth, and hath nothing: but the sould of the diligent shall be made fat.”

No, it doesn’t feel good. A lot of times reading and praying seems worse than doing dishes or folding laundry (gag!!).

Last Sunday, my husband preached over Matthew 15:21-28. A woman goes to Jesus crying after him to save her daughter who was possessed. What did Jesus do? He ignored her…. So she went back home and and gave up trying to talk with Him and instead was a bland, numb woman who felt empty inside for forever…

Just kidding that’s probably what I would do.. (I do it now). This Canaanite woman went a step further.. she worshipped him! And asked again! But what did Jesus say to her? “It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to the dogs.” Um.. I don’t nknow about you but if someone has just told me I wasn’t good enough for them and compared me to a dog… I would probably cry;P But.. she answered him, “Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from the master’s table.” She showed diligence. She didn’t give up when Jesus remained silent. She didn’t get angry.  She kept at it.

Next time God is silent when I seek Him, or He answers in a way I don’t like… maybe I should keep at it. (By the way, her daughter was healed. Don’t you think because she had to seek him diligently and press a little harder that when her daughter was healed, it was that much more satisfying?).

Luke 11:9 “And I say unto you, Ask,  and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.”

Keep in mind… the promise God makes us in Luke 11:9 doesn’t say how many times we have to knock or how long we will have to seek.. But it does promise that we will find.

“Breathe” by Priscilla Shirer Week 1 Insights

So lately I have been doing the Breathe study by Priscilla Shirer. It is a 5 week long study that you can do by yourself,  or with a group of people. Since I’m doing this study by myself, I decided to just buy the book. But audio lessons and video lessons are available too(My next study I do from her I will be buying the audio lessons to go with it).

So even though I just finished Week 2,  today I’ll be writing a couple key points I learned from Week 1. Since this was two weeks ago… this post probably won’t be very long.

Week 1 taught me that I had my view of the Sabbath all wrong. It’s not just a day you go to church and worship God. The Sabbath or, and Sabbath Margin, is a lifestyle. It should free us from our life taking control over us. To keep blessings from becoming bondages.
Another point I learned was that Creation wasn’t complete until the Sabbath. God didn’t rest because He was tired? He’s God!!!! He rested because He created rest on the 7th day! Genesis 2:2 says that on the seventh day, God completed His work! Week 1 of this study made me realize the things I was putting above the Sabbath. That I have chains I don’t want to let go of because it would mean I would have to trust God. I’m just like the Israelites who when gathering manna, tried to gather extra for the next day because they didn’t trust God.  I have become a slave to work!  It also made me realize that in our culture, we have turned a day of rest into a burden. Since when has anyone felt rested on a Sunday? I haven’t in yeeeaaarrss. Because there’s choir practice, buses, making food, sticking to the church schedule so it all runs smoothly…. Sunday’s are no longer a blessing ( which God intended them to be) but a burden.

This week helped me set boundaries in my life so I don’t become taken over by things, people, church, work, etc….

For the past year I have struggled with juggling life and finding time for everything and everyone… My life really has become a master over me and I never knew it. I can’t begin to tell you how much of a blessing this study has been so far! If you are interested in thia study,  I bought mine at Lifeway.com for around 9$!

Stay tuned for my insights from Week 2:)

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Too Faced Natural Matte Palette Review

So for my birthday I went to Ulta and one of things I bought was this palette:) Ever since I got into makeup I have wanted the Too Faced Natural Eyes palette… Until they came out with the matte version of it!!

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First of all… the packaging is goooorrgeous!! It’s a tin palette with almost a victorian flare to it:)

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But even though they killed it on the packaging, it’s the inside that counts;)

I’m a sucker for neutral colors. Especially when it comes to eyeshadow. I honestly dont stray away from neutral colors very much. Every now and then I’ll throw in a purple, blue, or a peach. So these colors are some that I will get a lot of use out of.

This palette is designed for 3 different eye looks. A day look, classic look, and a fashion look which I guess is the most dramatic. It comes with a little pamphlet that shows you how to achieve each of these but honestly,  I haven’t even looked at it;P It is nice for beginners though!

This is my first Too Faced palette and when I bought this I expected great things. I have heard sooooo many good things about their palettes. Especially the chocolate bar ones! The only high-end eyeshadows I have to compare this palette to is Urban Decay, and Tarte (their shadows are amazing btw).

When I first used this palette I was surprised at how powdery they are. I felt like I kept having to apply shadow to get the color to show. Especially with Honey Butter, and Strapless. The longevity of these are about the same as my Urban Decay shadows. I used eyeshadow primer yet I still noticed some creasing. But thats normal for me because I have hooded eyes and oily eyelids (that just sounds weird right? ;P).

I swatched the darkest shade, Sexpresso, next to my Tarte eyeshadow in Picnic Basket.

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That’s two swipes of Sexpresso and two swipes of Picnic Basket.

Tarte eyeshadows are soo creamy and buttery so compared to those, the Too Faced shadows are powdery. BUT….. compared to Urban Decay’s matte eyeshadows, Too Faced’s are more pigmented.

So, in simpler terms… I would put Too Faced right in between Urban Decay and Tarte.

Here’s some of my favorite shades:) (I marked them with a really cheesy heart sticker in case you can’t tell;)

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Would I recommend this palette to a friend? – Absolutely!

Would I repurchase this palette? – Yes. I love the colors and the size of this palette. Plus it’s been the only shadows I’ve used since I got it!

Would I rate this in my Holy Grail makeup products? – For now, yes I would! But who knows what the future holds so of course that could change;)

Weak Minded Christians

I feel that since I am a Christian,  I get looked upon as being ignorant,  or weak minded. For example, I had a girl tell me one time that she has been all over the country and has seen more things and experienced more than I have. Therefore my belief in God was childish dreams. She knew God wasn’t real because of what she has experienced. A lot of people think christians are weak minded because we use God as a “crutch” to get through life. For example, death is a lot easier to bear if we believe we will see that loved one again.. Which it is, but it’s also harder to go through when you don’t know if that person went to heaven or hell.

A big thing in our culture is education. I’m 20 years old and work at Walgreens. I can’t begin to tell you how many strangers have tried talking me into going to college. I have nothing against college! I love that anyone can go and better their education and do great things with their life somtimes I wish God would have choose that path for me.
And I’m not against experience. I would love to go to different countries around the world and be a part of different cultures.

But what is all the knowledge and experience in the world worth if you don’t know Christ?

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” -Proverbs 1:7

You don’t truly know anything until you know the Lord! I have an uncle who has traveled the world. He has been to soo many countries and seen so many breathtaking things, but he doesn’t know God. His knowledge doesn’t add up to anything. His experience doesn’t mean anything.

Proverbs 15:14
“The discerning heart seeks knowledge: but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.”

Whenever I am talking to a nonbeliever about God or prayer or etc… I always get this look from them like they just feel bad for me. They think I’m naive because I believe in a God who cares about me and I actually think He listens?! To the world’s eyes, its easy to believe in a god that doesn’t exsist just so I have some kind of hope in which I can handle the difficult things in life.

But honestly, being a Christian isn’t just a walk in the park. The Bible even compares the christian walk to warfare.

“Thou therefore endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” 2 Timothy 2:3

There are numerous verses that cautions us about the dangers in life, and teaches us about the spiritual battle we fight every day.
No, I haven’t experienced different cultures or lifestyles. I don’t have a degree of any kind. I’m just a cashier and photo tech at Walgreens! But because I know Jesus as my savior, I have more knowledge and understanding than the smartest nonbeliever on Earth. 

2 Peter 1:3 “According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue.”

I don’t use God as a crutch to bear the burdens of life. If anything,  being a Christian has added difficulty to my life. I battle my flesh every single day. I’m constantly at war with my fleshly desires!

No, I have never been through a traumatic experience or anything like that. But I do know people who have been, and those experiences has strengthened their faith in God.

I don’t have all the answers… but the Bible does. I do know that being a Christian isn’t being “weak minded”. It’s about weakening our fleshly desires and striving for our purpose in life, worshipping God. It’s easy to say God doesn’t exist, or that He doesn’t care about us. It’s difficult to go against our flesh and know there is someone greater than us who knows the bigger picture.

I’ll admit I get intimidated meeting people who study in college (like physcology or science,  etc..) or who have seens things I can only read about in books.. it is easy to feel almost awestruck by someone like that. But, if that person isn’t saved, they know nothing of worth. And its mine and your responsibility to share the knowledge of salvation we have with that person. If you went to see the Taj Mahal or the Amazon Rain Forest, would you keep it all to yourself and not tell anyone of your adventures? 

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Of course not! You would want to share your experience with those around you and show them the beauty of it! And it should be the same way with our knowledge in Jesus Christ.

Can I Accept The Lord’s Chastisment?

So this morning I was reading my Bible in 1 Samuel about Hannah wanting a child and getting pregnant and because God answered her prayers she gave him to the priest, Eli,  to raise him up. I continued to read about how Eli’s own sons were misusing offerings (a big deal) and sleeping with different women and the door of the tabernacle (again, a big deal). It goes on to say how Eli honoured his sons over God by allowing them to continue on with their sins (chapter 2 vs. 29). Chapter 3:1-18 is the part of this story that spoke to my heart.

And the child Samuel ministered unto the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was precious in those days; there was no open vision.
2 And it came to pass at that time, when Eli was laid down in his place, and his eyes began to wax dim, that he could not see;
3 And ere the lamp of God went out in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was, and Samuel was laid down to sleep;
4 That the LORD called Samuel: and he answered, Here am I.
5 And he ran unto Eli, and said, Here am I; for thou calledst me. And he said, I called not; lie down again. And he went and lay down.
6 And the LORD called yet again, Samuel. And Samuel arose and went to Eli, and said, Here am I; for thou didst call me. And he answered, I called not, my son; lie down again.
7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, neither was the word of the LORD yet revealed unto him.
8 And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went to Eli, and said, Here am I; for thou didst call me. And Eli perceived that the LORD had called the child.
9 Therefore Eli said unto Samuel, Go, lie down: and it shall be, if he call thee, that thou shalt say, Speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth. So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
10 And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel, Samuel. Then Samuel answered, Speak; for thy servant heareth.
11 And the LORD said to Samuel, Behold, I will do a thing in Israel, at which both the ears of every one that heareth it shall tingle.
12 In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end.
13 For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.
14 And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever.
15 And Samuel lay until the morning, and opened the doors of the house of the LORD. And Samuel feared to shew Eli the vision.
16 Then Eli called Samuel, and said, Samuel, my son. And he answered, Here am I.
17 And he said, What is the thing that the LORD hath said unto thee? I pray thee hide it not from me: God do so to thee, and more also, if thou hide any thing from me of all the things that he said unto thee.
18 And Samuel told him every whit, and hid nothing from him. And he said, It is the LORD: let him do what seemeth him good.

So, the Lord is going to punish Eli and his sons for the sins they have committed against God. (By the way, his son’s sins affected not only themselves,  but their dad and wives and offspring too.. your sins have an affect on more people than you realize.)

When Eli hears what God had told Samuel, his reaction spoke to my heart. He didn’t weep, or try to bargain his way out of it. He didn’t argue or get angry at God, he accepted it. More than that, he praised God with his response. He acknowledged that God knows what is good.

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If I had just been told that I was going to die early because of sins my sons committed and because I didn’t stop them,  I would not have replied like Eli.

I mean, how many times have I prayed for God’s will, yet didn’t want to hear it because I was afraid it would go against my will…. Yes Lord, I want to follow you and do what you want and praise you but only if the outcome is what I have planned.

Sure, Eli obviously had major family issues, but his response showed a heart of humility,  and obedience. When God chastises me, do I say He knows what is best because He is good. Or do I pout and feel bad for myself then give excuses for my behavior.

Yes Lord, You know what is good, chastise me according to how you see fit. What strength it took to say those words. Strength that can only come from one who trust God wholeheartedly and wants His will.

Birthday Haul!!!

Sooo Wednesday was my 20th birthday and I feel old now:( But to compensate me and Tj went to the mall and then hung out at our house eating leftover habachi:) I picked up some things at Ultra,  Francescas, and Lifeway.

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Ever since I started wearing Makeup I have wanted the Too Faced Natural Eyes palette. So when they came out with the Natural Matte palette I fell in love:)  So glad I finally bought this!

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The only place around me that carries NYX is an hour away.. so I took advantage of our trip and bought these two lip liners in Natural and Peek-A-Book Natural. I wore one today and its the best lipliner I have (though I don’t own many).

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And I fiiiinnnalllyyy got my paws on the Lip Lingerie liquid lipsticks by NYX. I got the shade Push-Up:)

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I have been wanting a concealer to use on work days so I don’t go through my Nars concealer as fast ( it’s soo expensive). So I got the NYX HD Concealer in the lightest shade. I realllyy love the formula of this!

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Picked up this calming Face Mask. It was cheap and looked pretty cool! I have yet to try it though.

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While I was in Victorias Secret (I got a new body mist:) I bought this lip plumper gloss. I dont know, it was on sale and intrigued me;P

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Soooo glad I finally found this nail polish!! OPI Rich Girls and Po Boys. I have been into blue polishes lately and this is the perfect shade:)

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I might have bought this just because the shade name is Sweet Tea….. I can’t help it, I’m from the South;)

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Bath and Body Works candles were 12.50 and I fell in loovee with this Hawaii one:)

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Francescas…. my new happy place;) I had a hay day here I really did. I could’ve spent all my $$$ there honestly. I bought this suuuuuper cute mug and a beautiful purse. I haven’t had a new purse-purse for like 5 years so… I was ready for a new one. This one is leather and the front has a pretty design. It has a magnetic closure underneath the flap. I also bought a dainty gold necklace with a mini elephant, diamond,  and tassle:)

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At Lifeway I bought the awesome devotional cd by Priscilla Shirer. It has 10 minute devotionals. I have listened to about 4 so far and I already know I want to buy one of her study series:)