My Struggle With Diligence

Lately I have felt so unmotivated to read, study, write, even pray. I don’t feel inspired or close to God.  Sometimes, I will feel like this for months, of just being numb. I know how hard hard it is to read and pray everyday.  It shouldn’t be…. but for me it is the most difficult thing to do sometimes. Either I’m too tired or just lazy. I don’t feel like reading the Bible because I don’t want to put the effort into it. I would rather relax by doing my own thing like watching YouTube videos, reading books, listening to music, or watching tv. I know that Christians in other countries have died trying to get Bibles and that many people and have died for God’s Word. I have been told that and guilt tripped my whole life into reading my Bible. Either by teachers at school, elders at church, even my friends. Yeah I feel guilty for not reading it… but I won’t feel convicted. God’s conviction will do alot more to my heart than someone making me feel guilty ever will.

So reading the Bible and praying is the most basic thing in the Christian walk. Yet also the most crucial…. and difficult. Sometimes, I will read my Bible consistently and I will feel so close to God. Other times, I won’t read for a month and I will just feel… numb. I know this isn’t how the Christian walk is suppose to be. Whenever I feel detached from God, that is when it’s crucial that I read and pray! Not give it a break and try again later because God apparently isn’t in a talkative mood at the moment. No, when He remains silent it is then that I should remain diligent!

Proverbs 13:4 “The soul of the luggars desireth, and hath nothing: but the sould of the diligent shall be made fat.”

No, it doesn’t feel good. A lot of times reading and praying seems worse than doing dishes or folding laundry (gag!!).

Last Sunday, my husband preached over Matthew 15:21-28. A woman goes to Jesus crying after him to save her daughter who was possessed. What did Jesus do? He ignored her…. So she went back home and and gave up trying to talk with Him and instead was a bland, numb woman who felt empty inside for forever…

Just kidding that’s probably what I would do.. (I do it now). This Canaanite woman went a step further.. she worshipped him! And asked again! But what did Jesus say to her? “It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to the dogs.” Um.. I don’t nknow about you but if someone has just told me I wasn’t good enough for them and compared me to a dog… I would probably cry;P But.. she answered him, “Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from the master’s table.” She showed diligence. She didn’t give up when Jesus remained silent. She didn’t get angry.  She kept at it.

Next time God is silent when I seek Him, or He answers in a way I don’t like… maybe I should keep at it. (By the way, her daughter was healed. Don’t you think because she had to seek him diligently and press a little harder that when her daughter was healed, it was that much more satisfying?).

Luke 11:9 “And I say unto you, Ask,  and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.”

Keep in mind… the promise God makes us in Luke 11:9 doesn’t say how many times we have to knock or how long we will have to seek.. But it does promise that we will find.


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