Whenever I can’t have something, I crave it more. I’m pregnant so I can’t drink energy drinks. But I love cranberry RedBull. I crave them soooo bad sometimes, my mouth will literally water! What I used to drink every week and take for granted, now is something I long for and desire.
When it comes to my relationship with God, I have a desire to be up close and personal with God but when I open the Bible the words were dry to me. Instead of becoming the kindling I needed, they just dampened the flame.
I can’t tell you how many books, sermons, blogs, and podcasts I have listened to that have the answer to my problem. Each had their own cocktail, the special formula that was missing in my life. One book says to pray before, during, and after reading the Bible. One person said the answer was fasting, to show God my earnest desire to desire Him. I also read that if I don’t desire to read or pray, I probably don’t have the spirit of God in me. Every where I looked, I came across a different cocktail, and none of them worked. Mostly they left me feeling empty and apathetic. Once the thought even crossed my mind that I might be uncapable of caring about anything or feeling anything (…. omg am I a psychopath??) Although that thought was probably just from watching too much Criminal Minds. ;P
I finally went to my husband and confided in him my struggle over the past couple months. I asked him how can I read my Bible yet still not feel personal with God? I know God is closer to me than even the baby I am carrying, yet He feels so far away.
His answer really spoke to me. There is no perfect, hidden formula for having a relationship with God. What worked for one person might not work for me. The truth is, that God is so personal, why would there be a generic formula for having a personal relationship with God? Personal not only in the way that He is within me, but personal also in the way that He is personal with me. God made us each in his own image but each of us is also an individual. I don’t relate to things the same way TJ does. God speaks to me through different songs then He does my dad or sister. I feel more in awe of God while looking at the sunsets and stars, unlike TJ who prefers sunrises. That’s because it’s a personal difference that makes us different. And God speaks to me in personal ways that He doesn’t TJ or my dad or sister.
I feel like I go through phases, and after those phases, after the times when the Bible seems dry to me, I come out of it feeling more of a desire for him than to begin with. You can’t start a fire with wet, saturated wood. It has to be dry and parched. When you feel like the Bible is dry, remember that is the best time to start that fire in your heart. Maybe you’re not missing that spiritual cocktail in your daily life. Maybe your walk with God goes through phases like mine, maybe not. Don’t be discouraged when the Bible is dry. Don’t feel like a broken Christian because you don’t desire to read or pray every day. Don’t feel pressured to be moved by something that doesn’t move you. You are an unique individual who is known completely by an unique and personal God. If you feel like the spiritual cocktails are leaving you empty and numb, give them up and just go to God himself.