I Don’t Want The Crumbs

In my grandma’s house, on top of her piano, are old black and white pictures of her grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, etc… She has told me their names before and how I’m related to them but honestly, I couldn’t tell you if I was paid to (Sorry Nanny).
I do remember though, that whenever she talks about the people in the pictures, I can tell that they mean alot to her. Because she knew them personally, for herself, firsthand. The difference between my relationship with them, and my grandma’s reationship with them is that she knew them personally, while I just know second-hand acounts, stories, and basically just a brief overview of who they are. 


When I was first saved, I wouldn’t study the Bible for myself. My spiritual life was barely surviving on devotionals sent to my email each morning, seeing a verse against a pretty background on Instagram, and reading a cheesy, cliche, christian quote on Facebook. While those things can be good, they can’t sustain me a healthy relationship with God. 

I love to listening to John Piper’s Ask Pastor John videos on Youtube. They are short, thought provoking, and are filled with good Biblical principles that I can apply to my life. But I have noticed that instead of going and reading the Bible for myself to see what God has to show me, I will scrolll through Youtube and find a John Piper message that I feel like applies to me for that day. 

Going to church and listening to sermons is a good thing, but when you start to depend on the preacher to be your only line of communication between you and God, it isn’t so much a good thing anymore.

Whenever I tell people about Jesus, I want to speak of him like my grandma does with the pictures on her piano. I want to have a genuine care and relationship. A first hand account of my relationship with Him, not John Piper’s relationship with Him, or my pastor’s relationship with him, or even what a devotional says about my relationship with Him. I want a first hand account, personal relationship with Him. 

Psalm 119:103 “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

Yes, reading daily devotions, listening to sermons, reading clever christian quotes can be a good thing. They can feed my spiritual life and sustain me. But in comparison for actually reading and studying the Bible for myself, those are just the crumbs. I don’t want to live off of the crumbs from the Bread of Life!

John 6:35 “Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”

So whenever I tell an unbeliever about Jesus Christ, I want them to hear it in my voice that I know Him. Not just second-hand stories, but personally know Him like my grandma knew the people in the pictures on her piano. Why settle for just the crumbs when I can open up the Bible and read what God has to say to me for the day:) 

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I Don’t Love My Husband

“Tj when we get home do you care taking Moose out to go potty while I hop in the shower?” (moose is our puppy)

“Sure.”

….. It wasn’t that he said sure. But it was the way he said it.  

“Whatever Tj.”

We got home, he took Moose outside and I got in the shower seriously debating on whether or not to leave him any hot water (I’m a monster, I know.) 

While I was in there debating on whether or not to give into my pride I remembered something I had read earlier today in A Woman’s Walk With GOD by Elizabeth George.

“Love is the sacrifice of self.” 

Earlier today when I was reading that book in my room, cup of coffee in my hand. It seemed like a great concept and all. But now a couple hours later, I’m not so sure…

 The truth is, I knew this for awhile. God is love. God sent his only Son to die. Jesus sacrificed his life for us. As a Christian I am suppose to show His love to everyone around me. It just never really clicked until today that love is sacrificing my pride, my comfort, my  energy, my time, my rest, my wants, my needs, my opinions, my desires, for someone elses. 

Matthew 20:28 “even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

True love is not self seeking.

William Barclay said “Love means that no matter what a man may do to us by way of insult or injury or humiliation we will never seek anything else but his highest good…never..seek anything but the best even for those who seek the worst for us.”

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

As  wife I am called to put Tj’s needs before mine. Not because I love him, but because I am suppose to demonstrate God’s love for him. The only way I will ever be able to truly love someone is if it is from God. Not only that, but because I love God, I should want to love others.  

Maybe you don’t have a husband. But if you are a Christian, this still applies to you. We are called to love our neighbors, our enemies, our friends, our family, that mean lady in the checkout line, the annoying co-worker, the bully at school or work, etc…. (John 13:34) (Matthew 5:43-45)

But if you aren’t saved and you never received Christ into your heart, then you don’t know what true love is. You can’t truly love someone. 

Whenever Jesus died on the cross to take the payment for our sins, and He rose again in three days, He showed us the greatest act of self-sacrificing love. He literally sacrficed himself for our sake. If you want self sacrificing love in your life, if you want to love someone with a self-sacrificing love, you can only do that if you received it from God himself by admiting that you are a sinner worthy of death, and that you believe Jesus was the Son of God and rose from the dead. 

Romans 3:23-24 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

So, yes I love Tj. But I don’t always love him like I suppose to.

I don’t think I had a choice in falling in love with TJ (that was God’s plan). But  I do have a choice in loving him everyday with a self sacrificing love that can only come from God. 

When The Whipped Cream Goes Flying

I’m unnaturally clumsy. Not only am I clumsy, but I also have terrible luck. Bad things just always seem to happen to me that never happen to normal people. It is almost like life is a bully and I’m the little kid whose glasses are taped together. Maybe I’m having a pity party, but even my husband admits that bad things always seem to happen to me. Particularly involving drinks.

Today Tj took me to a local boutique to buy a sweatshirt that I had been on the fence about buying for awhile. This was not just any sweatshirt, it was a “dreamy soft” (that’s what the tag said), faded blue, vintage, kind of girl-next-door looking sweatshirt. 

All for just 34.98 

Of course as soon as I got in the car I ripped the tags off and put it on:) It really was dreamy soft! 

Anyways, fast forward 10 minutes later to the Mcdonald’s drive through, Tj got him a strawberry milkshake and me a hot chocolate. 

I opened up the flap to take a sip….and whipped cream came flying out all over my face, my hair, and…. My new sweatshirt. 

See? Bad luck. 

And I got so irritated and angry when it happened. At first I was mad at the guy at Mcdonald’s who made the hot chocolate.  Then I got mad at myself for spending that much money on a stupid shirt. Then I got mad at God for always allowing this kind of stuff to happen to me. 

Something that I struggle with, and always have, is anger. With a flip of a switch I can be the happiest, goofiest girl around, to being angry and bitter. And it’s always because of little stuff like flying whip cream that makes me turn. And it is normally taken out on those I love the most. Probably because I know they will always love me, no matter how ugly I can get. 

While I was sitting in the car with whipped cream dripping from my face and waiting for Tj to get back with napkins (Mcdonald’s forgot the napkins, imagine that;) God brought to my mind the story of Jonah. Growing up I knew his story, but not really. All I had been taught was that if you don’t do what God wants you too, you will probably end up in a whale’s belly. But what I didn’t learn was how the book of Jonah ended. 

Jonah finally preached to Nineveh, and they repented. But then he got angry because he hated the people of Nineveh. (4:1-4)

He left the city and sat down to watch what will happen to the city and God made a plant to grow up beside Jonah, and give him shade so he would be comfortable.Jonah was super happy! After all, he did just preach to a people he hated and been through the belly of a whale and back. A little shade, I’m sure, was much appreciated.  (4:5-6)

But then God took away the plant. A worm attacked it, and it withered then died. (4:7)

Jonah got angry. “It is better for me to die than to live.” (4:8) 

(What a brat, right?)

Then God answers him, “Do you well to be angry at the plant?” (4:9)

Was Jonah benefitting anything at all from being angry at a plant for living and dying? Was his situation changing any? Not at all. Now I think that if I was in his situation, I would be like “You know what God, you’re right. This isn’t doing me any good!” 

But every week something will happen, and I flip. Whether it’s me spilling a drink on myself or Tj leaving his kleenex in the living room floor. I always get angry. And I never benefit from it. In fact, I normally lose from it. 

Jonah answered God and said “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” (4:9)

I wish I could say that me and Jonah don’t have anything in common. No, I never have been swallowed by a whale. But I have gotten angry about things that I have no control over. About things that happen in everyday life to everyday people. I have gotten angry at those I love most and treated them like they mean nothing to me. I have asked God what is the point of life and why does He keep allowing bad stuff to happen to me.  Me and Jonah have more in common than I would like there to be.

James 1:19-20 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Looking back I can see how far I have come from where I used to be. There is alot of times that I give into anger and I know there will be more. But it gives me hope seeing how God has changed my heart from what it once was to what it is now. 

So next time the whip cream goes flying all over my brand new shirt (which I hope it doesn’t) I will ask myself “Do it well to be angry?” Because more likely than not, giving into my anger will only make things worse. 

When Sin Slithers In 

The past two weeks have been a struggle for me. I have struggled with a sin that I did not see coming. It has made me ask questions about sin that I never thought before. 

I asked God to take away my attraction to this sin, and to help me resist it. But in my mind Satan began to plant seeds of pride and start to convince me that because God made me and knew what I was and wasn’t attracted to, that my sin was somehow justified. 

But that is a lie. It wasn’t my attraction that was a sin, but my sin itself that is a sin (that should’ve been obvious to me 😉

An attractive guy can walk past and I won’t think twice about him. Thats not wrong. But if an attractive guy walks past me and I give into lustful thoughts, that is when it becomes a sin. 

Mark 7:14-15 “And he called the people to him again and said to them,“Hear me, all of you, and understand:There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.”

And honestly, this spiritual battle came out of nowhere. I didn’t see it coming. One day I was close and in tune with God, and the next I felt distant and disinterested.

1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”

1 Peter 5:8 says the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking to devour. 

If I seen a lion roaring and eating everything in it’s path I would’ve ran. Fast. But sometimes, Satan doesn’t come in the form of a lion but a snake. He lurks by without you even knowing. He slithers into the shadows waiting to strike. And when he does, it takes a toll. It makes me disinterested, calloused, and has lasting effects.  

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Even once I repented and have been forgiven he makes me feel unworthy to minister, write, laugh, pray, and read. Sin leaves behind a bitter feeling of shame. And shame is different than guilt…

Shelia Walsh said, “Guilt tells you you’ve done something wrong. Shame tells you you are something wrong.”

Romans 5:3-5 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s lovehas been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


When my husband first told me this verse I kind of blew him off.. Im not suffering… Im struggling with sin.

But the Greek for this word makes it alot more clear.. It also means burdened and anguish. 

Maybe it does apply to me after all…. 

This all works together to produce hope. And in hope we are not put to shame. So next time sin slithers into my life, I can know my temptations and battles can lead me to hope and that I don’t have to have shame because of God’s love that was poured out on the cross.

Here is a link to a message by Shelia Walsh about shame. It helped me alot and I hope it does you as well!

I’m an Inbetween

Last night me and Tj went to a fall party with my family and some friends. I had a lot of fun, and a lot of food;)

One thing I realized last night though, is that God brings us through different seasons of our life, to draw us closer to Him. 

The past two years have been an inbetween season for me. By that I mean a transitioning stage. I have gotten married, gone through two jobs, moved three times, and gone to at least 4 different churches. Along the way I have made awesome new friends, and lost some. I have outgrown alot of things spiritually. The past two years have been wonderful in the sense that I get to be with my best friend every day and that I now have an awesome church family who I love. But there has been times when I would just cry because a certain season of my life has ended. It has been difficult for me to accept the fact that God has a plan and that it is for my good (Jeremiah 29:11). 

I have been in situations when two years ago, I would have felt perfectly normal in. But now I feel a little bit out of place. When me and TJ first got married, our old friends didn’t want to hang out with us as much. One reason was because we didn’t like to watch and do some of the same things they did, but another reason was because we had gone from being girlfriend and boyfriend, to husband and wife. It was a little disheartening for us to find people to hang out with who were our age and married. But, me and Tj don’t have kids, so whenever we are around other couples we like and they have kids, i can kind of feel a little out of place. It’s like I am stuck between two stages of life and not quite sure what to do about it. 

The past two years, though they have been wonderful and I wouldn’t change them for anything, has been difficult to navigate through. But looking back, I see how I have grown so much spiritually and closer to God. 

I look back to the moments He allowed me to feel alone and broken-hearted, so I would finally stop and listen to Him beckoning me. 

In my moments of loneliness was when I now realize I was the most sought-after.

Whenever I feel like I finally can be myself around people, and I have great friendships going, and I get to hang out with my family alot, is usually when I start forgetting that my relationship with God matters most. 

“Not that I am speaking of being in need for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Phillipians 4:13 
Looking back, I am now thankful for all the lonely tears that I shed because those were the moments when I stopped and listened to God saying that HE, above all else, wants me. He loves me, and He seeks after me??!! He so wants to be close to me that He gets me alone to show me that He alone, can fulfill me. 

Psalm 73:28 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.”
In this verse the word flesh is also interpretted as flesh relation, near kin (family), blood relation, your self.

In the same verse, the word heart can be interpretted as thinking, memory, determination, emotions.

The word fail can also be interpretted as spent up, wasted away, vanish, perish, be destroyed, to be at an end, to cease.

So another way of reading this would be,

My family (or friends) and my emotions may cease, but God is the strength of my heart and my possession for ever.

Right now, I’m still at that awkward inbetween stage of life. Maybe you are too. Maybe you just retired, or your kids moved out, perhaps you moved out. Maybe you moved away from all your family and friends, or you’re trying to find a new church home. Maybe you just got saved and you’re in that stage where you old friends and old way of life isn’t as appealing as it once was. Where ever you’re at, don’t forget to look and listen for God in your moments of loneliness. And don’t let your moments of loneliness affect your relationship with God. Make the most out of your inbetween stages of life.

I Don’t Want To Talk To God

There are times in my life where i just feel numb. I will try to pray, and give up. I will look at my Bible, and have no urge to read it. I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel sad. I just have no peace. 

The world tries to sell me peace through self-help books, early morning yoga classes, a warm cup of coffee in a cozy corner.

But none of those things (and I have tried them all) are true peace. Peace of mind, maybe for a moment. But once i finish that self-help book, roll up my yoga mat, and finish that warm cup of coffee (or three), the uneasiness settles back in.

During these times, I really just don’t care to spend time with God. I want to care though. I miss the closeness I have known with God. I miss the peace.

So, what do I do? 

Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a wiling spirit.”

First of all, confess of any sin or idols you have in your life. Start out on the right foot with God by humbling yourself and just being like “Lord, I know I have all these sins, but I want to get close to you, please forgive me.”

And then ask God to renew a right spirit within you. Just like David did. Ask HIm to restore the joy of salvation to you! I love these verses because it reminds me that i am not the only one who lost joy in my walk with God. Just knowing that gives me peace. 

Ask HIm to give you a willing spirit. There are a lot (alotta lot) of times where I’m just like, “God, I just don’t feel like reading right now. I don’t even feel like praying. I don’t want to go to church today, so please give me to want-to. Help me want to do this, and enjoy it while I am. I will ask Him to restore to me the joy of my salvation. That i won’t forget how He saved me and the way I felt in that moment.

Emotions are a gift from  God. But if I let my emotions be my measure for when I do and don’t read or pray, then I will stray from God very quickly, and lose my peace. 

Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you.”

MIND FOCUSED ON GOD+TRUSTING SPIRIT= P E A C E

When I think about it, I mostly use the word “trust” when I or someone I know is going through a difficult time.

When things are going great in my relationships, everything is going as planned on my calendar, and I have more than 20$ in my bank account, I never say “I just need to trust God.”

This verse is a promise of perfect peace in the times when I don’t have the want-to to do anything, when my spirit is going through a difficult time. 

Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

If we think on these things, practice these things, request these things to God, the peace of God will be with you. 

What If Creation

​What if the stone that was forged into nails, screeched out in pain, as it peirced the Lord.

What if the rain as it fell from the sky, tried to wash away the blood and the tears that he cried.

What if his blood that soaked into the tree, tried to flow back to give life to our King 

What if the clouds that gathered above, tried to cover the shame our saviour took out of love. 

What if the ground began to shake and to split, trying to swallow the ones who in the Lord’s face they spit.

What if the thunder had cried out in anger, as all of humanity crucified the savior. 

What if all of creation hasn’t forgotten, the price that was paid, the life of the begotten. 

And now every tree, every cloud in the sky, each stone that we step on each breeze that flows by. Exists to give glory to the king of the kings. It cries out to us, He wants you to be free!

Look what he’s done, see how he’s shown, the love he has for you, just watch and you’ll know.  That each flower will live and just as quickly it dies. But each day that it bloomed “glory to him” it cried. 

Monday/Work Day Music Playlist


Everyone has those days where they dread either going to work or school. I do mainly on Mondays.. Music is really important to me and speaks to me just as much as reading does. I think it is important that we fill our minds with positive, God-glorifying music. These 10 songs help me to either look forward to the work day ahead of me, or encourage me after a bad day at work.
1 Learning To Be The Light – newworldson
This song reminds me that I am not perfect, and that I am still learning.

 

2 #Escrow – Flame
I work in retail so I normally have some customers who hate you for no reason at all. It can be really tempting to roll my eyes or say something sarcastic to those people. I like this song because it reminds me that I am storing up treasures in heaven and whenever I encounter a hateful customer, I normally start singing this in my head lol

3 Don’t Fear – Flame feat. V. Rose
Your workplace should also be your mission field! This song is about saying what God wants to you to say and witnessing to others. It can be scary but we shouldn’t fear!

4 Love With Your Life- Hollyn
Honestly, I have kind of been disappointed in Hollyn but this is just a peppy song that wakes me up and reminds me that my love shouldn’t just be shown through words but also actions.

5 These Days – Mandisa
This is like, the ultimate Monday song XD I listen to this just about every Monday and as I listen I pray and thank God for His blessings in the everyday things.

6 Sunshine – Blanca
Again, this is a peppy song that I love to sing along with and dance to:)

7 Better With You – Bizzle
Better With You is probably one of my favorite 10 songs. I absolutely love it! Every time I listen to it, it is like I am singing a love song to God.

8 Believers – Bizzle
Once again, this is one of my favorite top 10 songs! I literally listen to this every single day. It is basically my theme song haha

9 Lights Out – Trip Lee
I love Trip Lee. He is one of the very few Christian rappers left that haven’t sold out yet. And believe me when I say I pray for him to stay strong! This song is off of his Rise album. It is a good reminder that this world is blind and it is our job as Christians to be the light and not to be blind ourselves.

10 Through Your Eyes – Britt Nicole
This is a song that I like to listen to after work. Work can be really depressing sometimes, especially dealing with people who treat you like you are worth dirt. This song is just a good reminder to try and look through His eyes at ourselves and realize that even though some people don’t think we are worth anything, God loves you and cherishes you!

Mondays are hard. The beginning of a work week is always a bummer. I love music and since I have a 20 minute drive to work each day, I have picked out the songs I listen to whenever I dread work, or just need some encouragement after a hard day at work. I hope you enjoy my Monday Playlist and that you find some new songs you enjoy!!

I Was Angry At God, For Being God.

This morning I got up and typed a blog post about who God is. About how Christians only focus on a couple of God’s attributes. How we don’t truly know who God is.
I really felt God moving me to write that post. He was working on my heart as I typed and I couldn’t wait to get to the library later and post it (I don’t have wifi at my house so I have to go to the library to upload).

A couple hours later I was there and went to upload my blog when my computer had crashed. It has been struggling for a year now and I knew I really needed a new one but I just kept putting it off. Long story short, my blog post I was so excited about had disappeared into cyber-space, never to return. I tried everything to retrieve the file but it was corrupted.

I left the library very frustrated and very angry. I was angry at God. The very same God I had written about that morning, I was now angry at and hurt by.
Why would He give me something to write about that morning and put it on my heart to share with others, if I wasn’t going to be able to upload it anyways? Why even put having this blog on my heart when I can’t even upload a blog post?

I began to doubt His love for me and to question Him. He is God, He could fix my computer and retrieve the file if He really wanted to, right? He could have allowed my computer to last just a few more hours and it would have been okay.
I started to ask Him if it was because I wasn’t good enough. If it was because I was being prideful or trying to do it for my own glory. Maybe deep down inside I had some sin that I hadn’t repented of or I had an idol in my life. Maybe that was His punishment on me.
I was so angry and hurt. Maybe you are reading this and thinking “It was just a blog post, just chill out?” Which is true, there are more important things to get upset over than a stupid blog. But I think it was the fact that here I was, trying to serve God, trying to do what He was laying on my heart to do, and He wasn’t allowing me to.

How dare He.

Thinking over the post that I had written this morning, I was talking about how there are attributes of God that we don’t ever talk about. He is just and loving (which is normally what most Christians focus on). But He is also patient, merciful, omnipresent, He isn’t contained by time or space. He is gracious, all-knowing, transcendent, immanent, infinite, immutable, good, truthful, and righteous.

He is 100% just, 100% loving, 100% merciful, 100% gracious, 100% truthful, 100% righteous simultaneously 100% of the time.

One thing I learned today is that He is all of those things,… yet He is also God.
This morning I had forgotten His most important attribute of all…

HE IS GOD.

I think I forgot that today. Yes, He could have fixed my computer and retrieved that corrupted file and allowed me to upload that post and everything would’ve gone according to my plan. But He had other plans. Did I accept them like I should have? Absolutely not. I am ashamed that I got angry at God. That I doubted Him. But that is where grace steps in. (Remember? God is gracious) I have repented and I am forgiven.

Maybe there is something in your life that has happened and you are angry at God over. A bad health report, a family member passed away, you lost a job or job opportunity. The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly why God allows those things to happen to us. That is not for us to know. But it does say that He has our best interest in mind.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I don’t know why my computer crashed today. But I do know that I learned through it. I know more about what God is like now than I did before writing about it this morning. He is God! He truly is transcendent. Above our knowledge and understanding.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Don’t forget that God is God. The one God. The true God. The only God. My God.

I Was Robbed

Tonight when I got home from church I discovered that I had been robbed. 

Not physically like my house or bank account. But even more importantly, I had been robbed spiritually. 

I have robbed myself of the joy I should have in salvation. I get so caught up in what I’m not that I completely forget what I am as a Christian.  

I have heard it been said that comparison is the theif of joy. And man can I testify to that. 

Galations 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Whenever I get on Instagram or Facebook and Pinterest I see all the places my friends are going. I see how many likes and views other bloggers get on their post. I lust after things that I can’t afford. I want to be satisfied and happy just like these other people I see are. 

I get so enveloped in what others have that don’t see that I have made them idols. These things become idols to me because I put their significance in my life over God’s.

Maybe for you it isn’t money or likes. Maybe it is talents and gifts. 

I love to sing. And I have an okay voice, it sounds decent. Whenever I hear another person who has an incredible voice get up and sing I get jealous and even bitter towards them and myself. I compare my voice to theirs and place my self worth in what I can do. 

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfish ambition of conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

And it all roots from pride. My pride looks at others and says “I need to be as good and even better than they are, I need to be the best”. Which leads to comparison. Which leads to depression because I can’t measure up to another person because I am not them and that is not who God made me to be. 

Pride and comparison also leads to self-hate. 

I am a quiet person in general. Especially in public. To a lot of people I seem boring, and too quiet. Being a people person is always something I have struggled with. 

Whenever I start to compare myself to people I know who are sociable and fun to talk to and are just naturally good at making conversation. I start to hate myself for not being like them. I want to build walls between myself and other people. If I don’t like myself how can others?  

Comparison has robbed me of what I have as a child of God. 

God placed me in the exact spot I am in now for a reason. For a purpose that He  wants me to fulfill! 

He made me with an okay voice probably because He knew if I had a heavenly one I would be full of myself. 

He gave me my very own personality that is composed of all the different parts of my life and has made me what I am today.

He has blessed me with a job to make money and a house to live in. He gave me a wonderful husband who daily demonstrates to me God’s love and grace. 

He sent His only son to die for me. He still comes down and wraps Himself around me despite my filthy hands and my disgusting sins. 

I haved robbed myself the past few years. I stole away my joy and my peace of mind. I replaced it with things that the world duplicates as joy. But it was short lived and unstable because it depended on me. To have joy I can’t depend on myself. I have to depend on the one who is independent. 

1 Timothy 6:6 “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

Whenever you become uncontent with your life you don’t gain anything. You only steal away the joy you could have and the peace of mind you have as a child of God. Don’t rob yourself!!! Take it from an expert theif who has broken into my heart and robbed myself of joy and contentment by comparing myself to others.