When Sin Slithers In 

The past two weeks have been a struggle for me. I have struggled with a sin that I did not see coming. It has made me ask questions about sin that I never thought before. 

I asked God to take away my attraction to this sin, and to help me resist it. But in my mind Satan began to plant seeds of pride and start to convince me that because God made me and knew what I was and wasn’t attracted to, that my sin was somehow justified. 

But that is a lie. It wasn’t my attraction that was a sin, but my sin itself that is a sin (that should’ve been obvious to me 😉

An attractive guy can walk past and I won’t think twice about him. Thats not wrong. But if an attractive guy walks past me and I give into lustful thoughts, that is when it becomes a sin. 

Mark 7:14-15 “And he called the people to him again and said to them,“Hear me, all of you, and understand:There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.”

And honestly, this spiritual battle came out of nowhere. I didn’t see it coming. One day I was close and in tune with God, and the next I felt distant and disinterested.

1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”

1 Peter 5:8 says the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking to devour. 

If I seen a lion roaring and eating everything in it’s path I would’ve ran. Fast. But sometimes, Satan doesn’t come in the form of a lion but a snake. He lurks by without you even knowing. He slithers into the shadows waiting to strike. And when he does, it takes a toll. It makes me disinterested, calloused, and has lasting effects.  

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Even once I repented and have been forgiven he makes me feel unworthy to minister, write, laugh, pray, and read. Sin leaves behind a bitter feeling of shame. And shame is different than guilt…

Shelia Walsh said, “Guilt tells you you’ve done something wrong. Shame tells you you are something wrong.”

Romans 5:3-5 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s lovehas been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


When my husband first told me this verse I kind of blew him off.. Im not suffering… Im struggling with sin.

But the Greek for this word makes it alot more clear.. It also means burdened and anguish. 

Maybe it does apply to me after all…. 

This all works together to produce hope. And in hope we are not put to shame. So next time sin slithers into my life, I can know my temptations and battles can lead me to hope and that I don’t have to have shame because of God’s love that was poured out on the cross.

Here is a link to a message by Shelia Walsh about shame. It helped me alot and I hope it does you as well!

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When God Remains Silent

When God Is Silent
Psalm 83:1 “O God, do not keep silence; do not hold your peace or be still, O God!”

Lately it seems every time I sit down to write a devotional, or I try to have time with God I ended up leaving discouraged. How can I help others and share to them what God has been working on me about, when God has been silent? Do you ever pray sometimes and feel like your prayers just bounce right back to you? It is really discouraging and depressing.

Whenever I reach out to God and my hands come back empty, I want to give up and forget about it. I want to find fulfillment in something else that is for certain going to bring me satisfaction. Whenever I leave empty handed I begin to doubt God. I begin to doubt His love for me. Like maybe I am not good enough right now for Him to speak to me or work on my heart. I start to get the mindset that I can somehow earn His attention.
Whenever God becomes silent He always seems to pick the worst times. Lately, we have been looking for a house, I have prayed and prayed and asked God to show us where He wants us to be, to give us confirmation somehow about what decision to make. Yet He remains quiet.

“…..do not hold your peace or be still, O God!” If there is something I need right now, it is peace from God. Because all I feel lately is stress and self-doubt.
Why would God remain silent when I am reaching and grasping and begging for His presence? When I desperately feel like I need Him now more than ever?

Matthew 7:7 says “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

That verse is a promise right? Then why don’t I feel like I’m finding anything? Why do I come back empty handed.
This is how I have felt for the past week and a half. Maybe, you have felt the same way. But what if every time I wanted to hear something from God, I did? What if every time I started seeking Him, I found Him. Just like that. Would I have any faith? Would I still put forth effort every day to show God that I earnestly want to know Him more? Or would I only seek Him when I felt like I needed Him, when He became my last option.

I learned today that Matthew 7:7 is a promise. If I seek Him, I will find Him. But it might not be in the time I would like for it to be. I might have to keep my hand reached out longer than I wish or than I feel comfortable doing. I might have to search and search and come up empty handed and discouraged. But in His timing, He will show Himself and the reunion will be that much more satisfying. How can I know the worth of what I find unless I search for it? The most expensive, valuable, and beautiful jewels are the ones that take effort and time to discover. They are hard to find.

When God remains silent it might be for a day, a week, two weeks, a month… maybe years. Whether it is a prayer request or just a daily study. But don’t lose faith. If you seek Him you will find Him. That is a promise from God Almighty! It can be discouraging coming back empty handed, I know. The past week I have been in the depths of despair because I keep coming back empty from my quiet time with God. But I know that I will find Him, because He loves me and you enough to make Himself accsessible to us through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.

So next time God remains silent don’t lose faith. In fact, have more faith because you know that you will find. And don’t go looking elsewhere for something to fill that place where God is suppose to be. The pleasures of this world are quick, easy, and will quickly fade away. But what God gives you is everlasting, and fulfilling. It just might take some time and faith while God remains silent, but when He does speak it will be sweeter and more fulfilling than ever before.

My Way Or The Highway

Today I was listening to a devotional on YouTube by The Vigilant Christian (I’ll link it at the end of this post). He started to explain something that I knew in my head, but didn’t quite understand it in my heart. I had one of those “duh” moments. When I know I knew something, but it didn’t quite hit me until this morning.
Whenever a Christian does God’s will, God receives the glory for it. Because ultimately that is His will in all that we do, to point back at Him. However, when we as Christians (and this goes to unbelievers too), do our own thing, the glory goes to Satan. I have always thought that if I just do my own thing, I’m not really doing anything that bad. I always thought that it didn’t effect anyone, and that I was just slacking off on doing God’s will.
But the truth is, that whenever I do “my own thing”. I am giving Satan the glory.

Matthew 7:14-15 ESV “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide, and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

There are 2 ways in life, not three! The wide gate and the narrow gate. Whenever you decide to do your own thing and stray from doing God’s will, you start to go towards the wide gate. You don’t have to be a Satanist or an Atheist or a Hillary Clinton supporter to give Satan the glory (couldn’t resist that last one sorry;). All you have to do is start by giving the glory to yourself rather than to God.

In fact, someone gave the glory to himself instead of God a looonnnggg time ago and look what happened… (Ezekiel 28:17) “Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you.” ( Full account can be found in Ezekiel 28:11-19)

That verse is talking about Satan himself! Doing his own thing is why he was cast down in the first place! Do you not think that Satan will try to use that very same tactic on us as Christians? If you don’t, just look around you. Every thing in our society today is about fulfilling the desires of the flesh. It is practically a playground for Satan.

1 Peter 5:8 ESV “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

It is easy for me to make excuses about choosing my will instead of God’s especially when I think that it doesn’t really do harm to anyone. But the truth is, whenever I chase after my will, and things that will bring me glory, I am pointing right back to Satan.

Luke 9:23 “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Remember, there are two path to choose, the narrow and the wide. There isn’t three, the narrow, the wide, and then my own way. So be watchful that you choose to do the will of God and to bring Him glory. Every other way that you try to follow (including your own) will just be to the glory of Satan.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principlities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Maybe, like me, you had a “duh” moment or maybe you read this and thought “I can’t believe she is just now realizing this, that was in Christianity 101?!”

Either way, as a Christian be watchful about what you do and for whose will it is for. Now that God has shown me this, I look back and see all the ways I had given Satan the glory when I thought I was just doing my own thing for a little bit. Stay steadfast! Yes, I will mess up again but that is where grace comes in. And God’s grace in my life when I do “my own thing” just points right back to him. So even if we mess up, remember that God has already won the battle! We just need to be watchful for ways Satan will try to use us for his own glory.

Here is the link for the video from The Vigilant Christian. His video was what made me realize what I wrote about today!  But he explains it waayyy simpler than I do;P Plus, it is only 5 minutes long so definitely check out his channel!

10 Recent Favorite Christian Movies

Hello! I am so excited about this blog post!! I love watching a good movie and eating some popcorn with a sleeping cat beside me:) Here are 10 movies that me and Tj have watched recently that we really loved! (Note that some of these are movies I have had for years but have fallen back in love with them recently) 

P.s. these are in no particular order!

1) October Baby

I’m pretty sure this movie and Princess Diaries is the only movies I watched for two years;) October Baby is about a college student who discovers things about herself that makes her question everything. This is a movie that is funny yet also deals with tough subjects. Plus if you are socially awkward like me then you will definitely relate to Hannah (then main character).

2-4) I had to include these  three together because they are in a bundle pack lol.

Me Again is about a pastor who wishes he had a different life. His marriage is falling apart, his kids don’t like him, and he feels like God doesn’t care anymore. To his surprise his wish comes true! This is a funny movie with a good message and i recommend it if you want a laugh! 

What If is kind of along the same lines. A rich business man gets the chance to see what his life would be like if he would’ve followed God’s calling for him as a preacher.

Marriage Retreat is just goofy! It’s a crazy film about 3 couples who go to a marriage retreat to “fix” their spouse. Little do they know that the owner’s are having marital issues themselves! 

5) Do You Believe

So DYB and God’s Not Dead came out fairly close to each other and GND was very much the most popular of the two. But, I honestly enjoyed DYB sooooo much more! I love how all of the characters were connected in ways they’ll never know and how each decision had an affect. This is a great movie for saved people and I cried every time I watched it haha. 

6) Risen

I feel like this movie just came out of nowhere this year and blew everyone’s socks off. I absolutely  love stories set in this time era. It is one of my favorites genres to read as well! Risen is about a Roman centurion trying to prove that Christ is dead but the more he searches, the more he finds that the impossible is possible. I really really loved this movie (Way better than the Passion of the Christ in my opinion) .

7)Hidden Secrets

Hidden Secrets is about a group of friends who are reunited by coming together for a funeral. This movie was so real and it dealt with a lot of major topics. I really feel like they not only handled everything wisely but also the storyline was incredible (especially the end)!

8) One Night With The King

I have a thing for Esther movies… I’ve seen about every one of them:P This one is by far my favorite though:) If you like the story of Esther then I recommend this movie!

9) Mom’s Night Out

Okay, so I don’t have kids but this is one of my top 5 favorite movies! I literally laughed until I cried! A group of mom’s decide to take a night off for themselves and it ends up going terribly wrong. 

10) When Calls The Heart
So this isn’t a movie so to speak but each episode is the length of a movie. This is a clean, funny, romantic, suspenseful, series that deserves a lot of love! If you’re into Anne of Green Gables, Love Comes Softly, or books along those same lines you’ll love this series! 

I hope you found some new movies to watch that you will enjoy! If you have any other suggestions or recent good movies you have watched let me know! 

Speaking of new movies I’m going to see Ben Hur in theaters tonight. I’m so excited! Have a great weekend yall!

Letting God Dig Out My Splinters

Last week my church had revival and it was really great! We had people saved, and some rededicate their life to the Lord. As with most revivals, each night there was an altar call to give everyone who was there an oppurtunity to humbly pray to God, repent, ask for forgivness, etc… One of the things about true revival is that it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it can be really uncomfortable. For saved people, it can mean repenting of sins and asking for forgiveness of sins. It is a season of restoration.

I’m still studying Hosea using Jennifer Rothschild’s study guide (I had gotten way behind but I’m catching up!). One passage from Hosea really stuck out to me while studying.

Hosea Chapter 6:1-3 (ESV)

“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us like showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.”

This passage in Hosea is talking about Israel and Judah being unrepentant. Hosea is prophesing to the people, telling them that there can be restoration. Revival! A part of the revival process is God correcting us. This past week God laid things on my heart that I knew I needed to change and it didn’t feel good. But just because I went to the altar, asked for forgiveness, and prayed about it doesn’t make it revival. Revival is a process. Like Pastor Henry said “Revival isn’t a series of messages.” Which is so true! In the verses above revival was God tearing down Israel and Judah so He can build them up. God has to knock down my pride to help me grow. He has to show me I can’t depend on myself so I can start depending on Him.

For me, last week wasn’t just a revival but it has been the start of revival. It was a time when God showed me that I was in need of Him, the ways I had gone astray, and He said Let’s begin! But it doesn’t feel good. This week I have caught myself being mean and irritable. Why? Because God has been showing me things about myself that I don’t want to deal with. He has torn me. But He is also healing me.

Whenever you get a splinter what do you do? Unless you want it to get infected and swell up, you have to dig it out. And it hurts! Especially if someone else is doing it for you. I always wanted to be in control of getting the splinters out of my fingers so whenever it started hurting, I could stop. Revival is the same way. It hurts to dig out my sin and bring it to the light, especially when God is the one doing it! It is easier to just ignore our sin, but if we do it will swell up and affect us more than we thought it would.

“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord…” To have revival you have to keep on keeping on. Be steadfast! When revival week for my church ended, it shouldn’t be the end of my personal revival. That week was a jumpstart. A call from God saying “I’m ready, whenever you are willing!”. Like I have said about 4 times already, Revival is a process. And it has it’s rewards too “…he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” That’s a promise!

I don’t know what revival may mean to you. It could be repenting, forgiving, letting go, making commitments, being honest, etc… only you and God know that. But remember, don’t stop your revival at the altar. Like verse 6 says in this same passage, He desires steadfast love, and that is exactly what it takes to be revived! Steadfast in our love for Him that we press on through the judgement and allow God to dig out our splinters so He can start to heal us.

 

When God’s Good Isn’t Good Enough For Me

Today I asked myself this question, would I give up anything to learn more about God? He is so great and unfathomable, but I find myself being comfortable with what I already know about Him. If I truly could wrap my mind around how great He is, wouldn’t I give up anything just to know Him more?

If that is true, then I don’t even have a glimpse of how great He is.

A lot of times, whenever I read my Bible, I realize I do it so I won’t feel guilty about it later. Or so I can study and then get on with my day. I don’t study to truly get to know God more. And lately I have been in such a rut. I feel stuck. I’m not growing in my relationship with God, but it doesn’t feel like I’m backsliding… I’ve heard people say that everyday that you aren’t closer to God than the last, then you are backslidden.

I wonder how many Christians are like me? Imagine what a spiritual difference it would make if we started seeking after Him like we are capable of?

Whenever I hear Romans 1:25 “Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.” I always think of hippies. (Am I the only one who does that ? :P) But honestly, that verse is talking about me as much as it is about hippies! Whenever I put the opinions of my friends, my family, my husband, whenever I put time with my phone, my cats, or books over God, then I worship the creation more than the Creator.

Last night was my church’s first night of revival, and my husband preached about hell. He brought up how they tortured and crucified Christ. I’ve heard the story and seen the illustrations a hundred times. But just like my husband said, I had become numb to just what Jesus had went through. To just how great the sacrifice was.

But this morning I woke up and realized that Jesus didn’t just go through crucifixion to save us from our sin. But He also went through it so we will be able to get to know God on an intimate level. But just how many people actually do that?

How many Christians take for granted the ability we have to get to know God? If I truly could even get a glimpse of how great God is, I would like to think that I would give up anything for Him. But honestly, I know the greatest act of love God ever committed (sacrificing His son) and I still push Him aside for my own wants and needs.

God is omniscient. He knew that when He sacrificed Jesus that we (as Christians) would still reject Him to go after our own wants.

For me, knowing that even though I don’t try to get to know Him more than I do now, and yet He still died for me, makes me want to know Him more. But I guess He knows that too (Was that confusing enough? haha).

There is a song that I absolutely love. Every time I listen to it, I get chills. More than once I have had to pull off the road while listening to this song just so I can pray to God.

“What Do I Know Of Holy” by Addison Road.

Here are some lyrics that I think perfectly explain how I feel;

“I guess I thought that I had figured You out, I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about, How You were mighty to save, Those were only empty words on a page, Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be, The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.”

Deuteronomy 8:14 “Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the LORD thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. Who led thee through that great and terrible wilderness, wherein were fiery serpents, and scorpions, and drought, where there was no water; who brought thee forth water out of the rock of flint; Who fed thee in the wilderness with manna, which thy fathers knew not, that he might humble thee, to do thee good at thy latter end; And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.”

It looks like I am not the only one who has forgotten God in the midst of all His blessings in my life.

Isaiah 43:22-25 “But thou hast not called upon me, O Jacob; but thou hast been weary of me, O Israel.”

Verses 23 and 24 go on to talk about how they stopped making offerings to God and sacrifices.

Then verse 25 says “I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.”

Even though the chosen people stopped giving God the glory He deserved, he still covered up their transgressions.

Isaiah 44:22 “I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee.”

Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:”

I don’t want to get a glimpse of God and then be content with it until the next time I feel like I want more of Him. I want to consistently seek after Him for the right reasons. I don’t want the good that God has given me to take place of His goodness. I don’t want to be complacent! I know that I am capable of knowing God more than I can fathom on this side of Heaven. So I don’t want Christ’s sacrifice to be in vain. I don’t want to just be saved but I also want to seek Him. If you are like me and just do what you are suppose to as a Christian to “get by”. Then we are both missing out on not only blessings from God, but more importantly, God himself.

 

My Desk/Vanity Tour

So I finally got a new desk! My old one had a lot of storage which I liked but it was too bulky. I wanted something simple and the Metro Collection desk from Walmart is perfect:)

I loved that it is wood and metal. It gives it an urban vibe to it and can be dressed to match about any theme you like.

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There is a brid’s eye view. Even without hanging the mirror, I still have lots of room for my laptop, books, planner, or whatever else I’m doing.

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On the right side of the desktop I have a jewerly holder which I got from Target. It holds all my necklaces and my most used bracelets. I also have a couple nick nacks that I like to keep close by. Oh and that is a picture of my and husband by the way:)

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On the left side I keep a glass/rose gold desk organizer (also from Target) with my eyeshadow palettes, brushes, and some other products that I use everyday. The elephant lamp my husband bought for me for Christmas last year, it is from Walmart. The big rosegold canister is actually a candle holder with a coconut candle inside (also from Walmart). And the picture behind my lamp is something my little sister made for me:) Itis of sea turles and coral. I just haven’t had a chance to hang it or my mirror up yet.

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So I obviously need some lesssons on organization… I bought organizers but they didn’t fit.. I don’t mind the chaos though;) Obviously I store the rest of my makeup here. There’s probably more here than one person should need but thats okay;) I keep my smaller palettes, eyeliners, lipliners, lipsticks, primers etc…… here.

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The right side drawer is a drastic change;) I keep my most used stationary stuff here. My planner (to the left), a cute notebook for blog ideas, sticky notes, lots of sticky notes! And I guess I thought it would be a good place to store my car air fresheners here too.. (?) Who knows. haha

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I also have cat washi tape… isn’t it cute??!!! 😀 I washi taped some of my eyeshadow brushes, nail polishes, and single eyeshadows with it:)

That is it! I hope you enjoyed this post and maybe got to know me a little bit better. Maybe you even got inspired to decorate you desk/vanity:) If you have any questions about where I got anything or prices let me know!

 

 

 

Remember that you are loved through your weaknesses:) , Bryonna

No. I Don’t Wear Panty Hose.

Scared is an understatement.
This Sunday will be my first day at a new church, in a new town, and my first day on the job as pastor’s wife… Well, associates pastors wife but after a month or two pastors wife.

Anyways.
I can handle new people. I have met more new people in the past year than I have my entire life. New towns I can handle too. I live in a town that is literally the width of the gas station and post office. But being a pastor’s wife….. that is something new.
I have only really known 2 pastors wives throughout my life. One was my teacher in highschool, and the other I never talked to. So it is safe to say I have absolutely no idea what people expect out of a pastors wife. And trust me when I say I have done my research! I have read countless blogs and yahoo answers on it. But that doesn’t make up for the lack of experience I have.
And yes I know that pastor’s wives are supposed to be the “supreme being of godliness“, always cooking casseroles and remembering names and sitting on the front row taking notes. But honestly… I hate casseroles. I’m awful with names. And when I sit on the front row I literally pay no attention to the message (I’m paranoid about people sitting right behind me:P).
So in that aspect, I have already “failed” at becoming a pastor’s wife. (Did I mention I never wear panty-hose? I think there is this prejudice about pastor’s wives wearing panty hose.. maybe that is just me though haha) I don’t have much guidance, experience, or know how.

The night we first met the pastor of this new church, his wife looked at me and said the church isn’t expecting anything out of me, except to love my husband and support him.
Now that I can do.
I won’t try to act like I have it all together and put on a front. But I will try to love as Christ loved. To minister to the hurting like He did. To feed the hungry and to love the unlovable.
Because I don’t want others to look at me and see an ordinary little ole pastors wife. But as a christian. Living a christian life is something every saved person is supposed to do, not just the Pastor’s wife.
So this upcoming week I will try to stop setting standards for myself, and just be myself. I will try to stop thinking about how other’s will see me and start seeing other’s how Christ sees them. I’ll quit questioning why God chose me for this role and start seeing ways in which this role as pastor’s wife was made for me.

June Favorites 2016

I feel like I haven’t posted in forever… the past two weeks have been crazy. But a good crazy:) God has been showing me and Tj the steps He wants us to take little by little and now that I can see what He had planned, everything just fits together:) I will write about it soon but for now, let me show you some things I have been loving!

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I got this study at Lifeway and have been sooo excited about it! Ever since I read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers,  the story of Hosea has interested me. I didn’t buy the videos to go with the book, but I can do the study just fine without them:)

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I bought this to wear at work because my face gets sooo oily when I’m working, and I wanted something that’s medium to full coverage. This bb cream is awesome i love the texture, finish, and wear of it. The only downside is that it doesn’t have spf in it:/

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I finally got around to buying me a new highlighter feo Colourpop. Spoon is a dark champagne with silver flecks in it:) I seriously love this highlighter!

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I also got a lippie stick in the shade Aquarius. This is the most beautiful cool toned nude I have:) I’ve gotten alot of compliments on this color. I love it because it goes great with any look.

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Me and Tj watched this movie last week but I really loved it:) This is a Christian movie about a young man in the foster care system who is trying to get away from his past. I really recommend this movie especially if you are a young adult or for a youth group:)

That’s all for my June favorites! Summer has gone by way too fast:/ Hopew July will go by slower! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

When My Mouth Won’t Speak

My husband is an extrovert. He loves talking to and meeting new people. Me….. not so much. I work in retail so I’m around people all day and by the time I get home, I’m drained.
I also have a hard time talking to people. I never know what to say, and my mouth just seems to never open.

Recently, a co-worker asked me a question that I wasn’t expecting. She asked me why God allows good people to die, instead of the bad people. Why do bad things happen to good people? I listened to her as she talked but my mouth just wouldn’t open. I couldn’t think of the words to say… that moment could have been where I shared the gospel and told her how Jesus wept when Lazarus died. That there is no one good. Yet how he defeated death so we didn’t have to die and could live forever… but my mouth just wouldn’t open. Of course after the conversation had moved on, I thought of what I could have said. I prayed that if God wanted me to say something else, that the conversation would get brought back up again… but it didn’t. 

I felt like Moses, when God told him to lead the people out of Eygpt and to confront Pharoah.

Exodus 4:10 “And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.”

I feel like me and Moses are in the same boat. Why is God asking me to do this when I’m awkward, and my brain freezes up whenever I’m confronted? 

I left work that day feeling a little bit defeated and like a failure. What if I didn’t say enough? Why didn’t I tell her of Lazarus?  What if she never excepts Christ because of my lack of words?

Then it hit me. I’ve told it to my husband a thousand times and then he reminded me…
Do I really think that if I, an imperfect human, messed up God couldn’t receive glory from it? My mind immediately goes to
2 Corinthians 12:9

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Maybe I was suppose to say more that day… maybe God just wanted me to listen and plant a seed. If you struggle with finding words like me and Moses…. just know that God can still use you  and even when you mess up, His is still glorified through our weaknesses.  Don’t give up and pray that when the time comes, God will give you the words to say and that He will move your mouth to speak.

Luke 21:14-15
“Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what ye shall answer:
For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist.”