I Don’t Want The Crumbs

In my grandma’s house, on top of her piano, are old black and white pictures of her grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, etc… She has told me their names before and how I’m related to them but honestly, I couldn’t tell you if I was paid to (Sorry Nanny).
I do remember though, that whenever she talks about the people in the pictures, I can tell that they mean alot to her. Because she knew them personally, for herself, firsthand. The difference between my relationship with them, and my grandma’s reationship with them is that she knew them personally, while I just know second-hand acounts, stories, and basically just a brief overview of who they are. 


When I was first saved, I wouldn’t study the Bible for myself. My spiritual life was barely surviving on devotionals sent to my email each morning, seeing a verse against a pretty background on Instagram, and reading a cheesy, cliche, christian quote on Facebook. While those things can be good, they can’t sustain me a healthy relationship with God. 

I love to listening to John Piper’s Ask Pastor John videos on Youtube. They are short, thought provoking, and are filled with good Biblical principles that I can apply to my life. But I have noticed that instead of going and reading the Bible for myself to see what God has to show me, I will scrolll through Youtube and find a John Piper message that I feel like applies to me for that day. 

Going to church and listening to sermons is a good thing, but when you start to depend on the preacher to be your only line of communication between you and God, it isn’t so much a good thing anymore.

Whenever I tell people about Jesus, I want to speak of him like my grandma does with the pictures on her piano. I want to have a genuine care and relationship. A first hand account of my relationship with Him, not John Piper’s relationship with Him, or my pastor’s relationship with him, or even what a devotional says about my relationship with Him. I want a first hand account, personal relationship with Him. 

Psalm 119:103 “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

Yes, reading daily devotions, listening to sermons, reading clever christian quotes can be a good thing. They can feed my spiritual life and sustain me. But in comparison for actually reading and studying the Bible for myself, those are just the crumbs. I don’t want to live off of the crumbs from the Bread of Life!

John 6:35 “Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”

So whenever I tell an unbeliever about Jesus Christ, I want them to hear it in my voice that I know Him. Not just second-hand stories, but personally know Him like my grandma knew the people in the pictures on her piano. Why settle for just the crumbs when I can open up the Bible and read what God has to say to me for the day:) 

I Don’t Love My Husband

“Tj when we get home do you care taking Moose out to go potty while I hop in the shower?” (moose is our puppy)

“Sure.”

….. It wasn’t that he said sure. But it was the way he said it.  

“Whatever Tj.”

We got home, he took Moose outside and I got in the shower seriously debating on whether or not to leave him any hot water (I’m a monster, I know.) 

While I was in there debating on whether or not to give into my pride I remembered something I had read earlier today in A Woman’s Walk With GOD by Elizabeth George.

“Love is the sacrifice of self.” 

Earlier today when I was reading that book in my room, cup of coffee in my hand. It seemed like a great concept and all. But now a couple hours later, I’m not so sure…

 The truth is, I knew this for awhile. God is love. God sent his only Son to die. Jesus sacrificed his life for us. As a Christian I am suppose to show His love to everyone around me. It just never really clicked until today that love is sacrificing my pride, my comfort, my  energy, my time, my rest, my wants, my needs, my opinions, my desires, for someone elses. 

Matthew 20:28 “even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

True love is not self seeking.

William Barclay said “Love means that no matter what a man may do to us by way of insult or injury or humiliation we will never seek anything else but his highest good…never..seek anything but the best even for those who seek the worst for us.”

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

As  wife I am called to put Tj’s needs before mine. Not because I love him, but because I am suppose to demonstrate God’s love for him. The only way I will ever be able to truly love someone is if it is from God. Not only that, but because I love God, I should want to love others.  

Maybe you don’t have a husband. But if you are a Christian, this still applies to you. We are called to love our neighbors, our enemies, our friends, our family, that mean lady in the checkout line, the annoying co-worker, the bully at school or work, etc…. (John 13:34) (Matthew 5:43-45)

But if you aren’t saved and you never received Christ into your heart, then you don’t know what true love is. You can’t truly love someone. 

Whenever Jesus died on the cross to take the payment for our sins, and He rose again in three days, He showed us the greatest act of self-sacrificing love. He literally sacrficed himself for our sake. If you want self sacrificing love in your life, if you want to love someone with a self-sacrificing love, you can only do that if you received it from God himself by admiting that you are a sinner worthy of death, and that you believe Jesus was the Son of God and rose from the dead. 

Romans 3:23-24 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

So, yes I love Tj. But I don’t always love him like I suppose to.

I don’t think I had a choice in falling in love with TJ (that was God’s plan). But  I do have a choice in loving him everyday with a self sacrificing love that can only come from God. 

When The Whipped Cream Goes Flying

I’m unnaturally clumsy. Not only am I clumsy, but I also have terrible luck. Bad things just always seem to happen to me that never happen to normal people. It is almost like life is a bully and I’m the little kid whose glasses are taped together. Maybe I’m having a pity party, but even my husband admits that bad things always seem to happen to me. Particularly involving drinks.

Today Tj took me to a local boutique to buy a sweatshirt that I had been on the fence about buying for awhile. This was not just any sweatshirt, it was a “dreamy soft” (that’s what the tag said), faded blue, vintage, kind of girl-next-door looking sweatshirt. 

All for just 34.98 

Of course as soon as I got in the car I ripped the tags off and put it on:) It really was dreamy soft! 

Anyways, fast forward 10 minutes later to the Mcdonald’s drive through, Tj got him a strawberry milkshake and me a hot chocolate. 

I opened up the flap to take a sip….and whipped cream came flying out all over my face, my hair, and…. My new sweatshirt. 

See? Bad luck. 

And I got so irritated and angry when it happened. At first I was mad at the guy at Mcdonald’s who made the hot chocolate.  Then I got mad at myself for spending that much money on a stupid shirt. Then I got mad at God for always allowing this kind of stuff to happen to me. 

Something that I struggle with, and always have, is anger. With a flip of a switch I can be the happiest, goofiest girl around, to being angry and bitter. And it’s always because of little stuff like flying whip cream that makes me turn. And it is normally taken out on those I love the most. Probably because I know they will always love me, no matter how ugly I can get. 

While I was sitting in the car with whipped cream dripping from my face and waiting for Tj to get back with napkins (Mcdonald’s forgot the napkins, imagine that;) God brought to my mind the story of Jonah. Growing up I knew his story, but not really. All I had been taught was that if you don’t do what God wants you too, you will probably end up in a whale’s belly. But what I didn’t learn was how the book of Jonah ended. 

Jonah finally preached to Nineveh, and they repented. But then he got angry because he hated the people of Nineveh. (4:1-4)

He left the city and sat down to watch what will happen to the city and God made a plant to grow up beside Jonah, and give him shade so he would be comfortable.Jonah was super happy! After all, he did just preach to a people he hated and been through the belly of a whale and back. A little shade, I’m sure, was much appreciated.  (4:5-6)

But then God took away the plant. A worm attacked it, and it withered then died. (4:7)

Jonah got angry. “It is better for me to die than to live.” (4:8) 

(What a brat, right?)

Then God answers him, “Do you well to be angry at the plant?” (4:9)

Was Jonah benefitting anything at all from being angry at a plant for living and dying? Was his situation changing any? Not at all. Now I think that if I was in his situation, I would be like “You know what God, you’re right. This isn’t doing me any good!” 

But every week something will happen, and I flip. Whether it’s me spilling a drink on myself or Tj leaving his kleenex in the living room floor. I always get angry. And I never benefit from it. In fact, I normally lose from it. 

Jonah answered God and said “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” (4:9)

I wish I could say that me and Jonah don’t have anything in common. No, I never have been swallowed by a whale. But I have gotten angry about things that I have no control over. About things that happen in everyday life to everyday people. I have gotten angry at those I love most and treated them like they mean nothing to me. I have asked God what is the point of life and why does He keep allowing bad stuff to happen to me.  Me and Jonah have more in common than I would like there to be.

James 1:19-20 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Looking back I can see how far I have come from where I used to be. There is alot of times that I give into anger and I know there will be more. But it gives me hope seeing how God has changed my heart from what it once was to what it is now. 

So next time the whip cream goes flying all over my brand new shirt (which I hope it doesn’t) I will ask myself “Do it well to be angry?” Because more likely than not, giving into my anger will only make things worse. 

When Sin Slithers In 

The past two weeks have been a struggle for me. I have struggled with a sin that I did not see coming. It has made me ask questions about sin that I never thought before. 

I asked God to take away my attraction to this sin, and to help me resist it. But in my mind Satan began to plant seeds of pride and start to convince me that because God made me and knew what I was and wasn’t attracted to, that my sin was somehow justified. 

But that is a lie. It wasn’t my attraction that was a sin, but my sin itself that is a sin (that should’ve been obvious to me 😉

An attractive guy can walk past and I won’t think twice about him. Thats not wrong. But if an attractive guy walks past me and I give into lustful thoughts, that is when it becomes a sin. 

Mark 7:14-15 “And he called the people to him again and said to them,“Hear me, all of you, and understand:There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.”

And honestly, this spiritual battle came out of nowhere. I didn’t see it coming. One day I was close and in tune with God, and the next I felt distant and disinterested.

1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”

1 Peter 5:8 says the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking to devour. 

If I seen a lion roaring and eating everything in it’s path I would’ve ran. Fast. But sometimes, Satan doesn’t come in the form of a lion but a snake. He lurks by without you even knowing. He slithers into the shadows waiting to strike. And when he does, it takes a toll. It makes me disinterested, calloused, and has lasting effects.  

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Even once I repented and have been forgiven he makes me feel unworthy to minister, write, laugh, pray, and read. Sin leaves behind a bitter feeling of shame. And shame is different than guilt…

Shelia Walsh said, “Guilt tells you you’ve done something wrong. Shame tells you you are something wrong.”

Romans 5:3-5 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 

 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s lovehas been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.


When my husband first told me this verse I kind of blew him off.. Im not suffering… Im struggling with sin.

But the Greek for this word makes it alot more clear.. It also means burdened and anguish. 

Maybe it does apply to me after all…. 

This all works together to produce hope. And in hope we are not put to shame. So next time sin slithers into my life, I can know my temptations and battles can lead me to hope and that I don’t have to have shame because of God’s love that was poured out on the cross.

Here is a link to a message by Shelia Walsh about shame. It helped me alot and I hope it does you as well!

I’m an Inbetween

Last night me and Tj went to a fall party with my family and some friends. I had a lot of fun, and a lot of food;)

One thing I realized last night though, is that God brings us through different seasons of our life, to draw us closer to Him. 

The past two years have been an inbetween season for me. By that I mean a transitioning stage. I have gotten married, gone through two jobs, moved three times, and gone to at least 4 different churches. Along the way I have made awesome new friends, and lost some. I have outgrown alot of things spiritually. The past two years have been wonderful in the sense that I get to be with my best friend every day and that I now have an awesome church family who I love. But there has been times when I would just cry because a certain season of my life has ended. It has been difficult for me to accept the fact that God has a plan and that it is for my good (Jeremiah 29:11). 

I have been in situations when two years ago, I would have felt perfectly normal in. But now I feel a little bit out of place. When me and TJ first got married, our old friends didn’t want to hang out with us as much. One reason was because we didn’t like to watch and do some of the same things they did, but another reason was because we had gone from being girlfriend and boyfriend, to husband and wife. It was a little disheartening for us to find people to hang out with who were our age and married. But, me and Tj don’t have kids, so whenever we are around other couples we like and they have kids, i can kind of feel a little out of place. It’s like I am stuck between two stages of life and not quite sure what to do about it. 

The past two years, though they have been wonderful and I wouldn’t change them for anything, has been difficult to navigate through. But looking back, I see how I have grown so much spiritually and closer to God. 

I look back to the moments He allowed me to feel alone and broken-hearted, so I would finally stop and listen to Him beckoning me. 

In my moments of loneliness was when I now realize I was the most sought-after.

Whenever I feel like I finally can be myself around people, and I have great friendships going, and I get to hang out with my family alot, is usually when I start forgetting that my relationship with God matters most. 

“Not that I am speaking of being in need for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Phillipians 4:13 
Looking back, I am now thankful for all the lonely tears that I shed because those were the moments when I stopped and listened to God saying that HE, above all else, wants me. He loves me, and He seeks after me??!! He so wants to be close to me that He gets me alone to show me that He alone, can fulfill me. 

Psalm 73:28 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.”
In this verse the word flesh is also interpretted as flesh relation, near kin (family), blood relation, your self.

In the same verse, the word heart can be interpretted as thinking, memory, determination, emotions.

The word fail can also be interpretted as spent up, wasted away, vanish, perish, be destroyed, to be at an end, to cease.

So another way of reading this would be,

My family (or friends) and my emotions may cease, but God is the strength of my heart and my possession for ever.

Right now, I’m still at that awkward inbetween stage of life. Maybe you are too. Maybe you just retired, or your kids moved out, perhaps you moved out. Maybe you moved away from all your family and friends, or you’re trying to find a new church home. Maybe you just got saved and you’re in that stage where you old friends and old way of life isn’t as appealing as it once was. Where ever you’re at, don’t forget to look and listen for God in your moments of loneliness. And don’t let your moments of loneliness affect your relationship with God. Make the most out of your inbetween stages of life.

I Don’t Want To Talk To God

There are times in my life where i just feel numb. I will try to pray, and give up. I will look at my Bible, and have no urge to read it. I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel sad. I just have no peace. 

The world tries to sell me peace through self-help books, early morning yoga classes, a warm cup of coffee in a cozy corner.

But none of those things (and I have tried them all) are true peace. Peace of mind, maybe for a moment. But once i finish that self-help book, roll up my yoga mat, and finish that warm cup of coffee (or three), the uneasiness settles back in.

During these times, I really just don’t care to spend time with God. I want to care though. I miss the closeness I have known with God. I miss the peace.

So, what do I do? 

Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a wiling spirit.”

First of all, confess of any sin or idols you have in your life. Start out on the right foot with God by humbling yourself and just being like “Lord, I know I have all these sins, but I want to get close to you, please forgive me.”

And then ask God to renew a right spirit within you. Just like David did. Ask HIm to restore the joy of salvation to you! I love these verses because it reminds me that i am not the only one who lost joy in my walk with God. Just knowing that gives me peace. 

Ask HIm to give you a willing spirit. There are a lot (alotta lot) of times where I’m just like, “God, I just don’t feel like reading right now. I don’t even feel like praying. I don’t want to go to church today, so please give me to want-to. Help me want to do this, and enjoy it while I am. I will ask Him to restore to me the joy of my salvation. That i won’t forget how He saved me and the way I felt in that moment.

Emotions are a gift from  God. But if I let my emotions be my measure for when I do and don’t read or pray, then I will stray from God very quickly, and lose my peace. 

Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you.”

MIND FOCUSED ON GOD+TRUSTING SPIRIT= P E A C E

When I think about it, I mostly use the word “trust” when I or someone I know is going through a difficult time.

When things are going great in my relationships, everything is going as planned on my calendar, and I have more than 20$ in my bank account, I never say “I just need to trust God.”

This verse is a promise of perfect peace in the times when I don’t have the want-to to do anything, when my spirit is going through a difficult time. 

Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

If we think on these things, practice these things, request these things to God, the peace of God will be with you. 

I Was Angry At God, For Being God.

This morning I got up and typed a blog post about who God is. About how Christians only focus on a couple of God’s attributes. How we don’t truly know who God is.
I really felt God moving me to write that post. He was working on my heart as I typed and I couldn’t wait to get to the library later and post it (I don’t have wifi at my house so I have to go to the library to upload).

A couple hours later I was there and went to upload my blog when my computer had crashed. It has been struggling for a year now and I knew I really needed a new one but I just kept putting it off. Long story short, my blog post I was so excited about had disappeared into cyber-space, never to return. I tried everything to retrieve the file but it was corrupted.

I left the library very frustrated and very angry. I was angry at God. The very same God I had written about that morning, I was now angry at and hurt by.
Why would He give me something to write about that morning and put it on my heart to share with others, if I wasn’t going to be able to upload it anyways? Why even put having this blog on my heart when I can’t even upload a blog post?

I began to doubt His love for me and to question Him. He is God, He could fix my computer and retrieve the file if He really wanted to, right? He could have allowed my computer to last just a few more hours and it would have been okay.
I started to ask Him if it was because I wasn’t good enough. If it was because I was being prideful or trying to do it for my own glory. Maybe deep down inside I had some sin that I hadn’t repented of or I had an idol in my life. Maybe that was His punishment on me.
I was so angry and hurt. Maybe you are reading this and thinking “It was just a blog post, just chill out?” Which is true, there are more important things to get upset over than a stupid blog. But I think it was the fact that here I was, trying to serve God, trying to do what He was laying on my heart to do, and He wasn’t allowing me to.

How dare He.

Thinking over the post that I had written this morning, I was talking about how there are attributes of God that we don’t ever talk about. He is just and loving (which is normally what most Christians focus on). But He is also patient, merciful, omnipresent, He isn’t contained by time or space. He is gracious, all-knowing, transcendent, immanent, infinite, immutable, good, truthful, and righteous.

He is 100% just, 100% loving, 100% merciful, 100% gracious, 100% truthful, 100% righteous simultaneously 100% of the time.

One thing I learned today is that He is all of those things,… yet He is also God.
This morning I had forgotten His most important attribute of all…

HE IS GOD.

I think I forgot that today. Yes, He could have fixed my computer and retrieved that corrupted file and allowed me to upload that post and everything would’ve gone according to my plan. But He had other plans. Did I accept them like I should have? Absolutely not. I am ashamed that I got angry at God. That I doubted Him. But that is where grace steps in. (Remember? God is gracious) I have repented and I am forgiven.

Maybe there is something in your life that has happened and you are angry at God over. A bad health report, a family member passed away, you lost a job or job opportunity. The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly why God allows those things to happen to us. That is not for us to know. But it does say that He has our best interest in mind.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I don’t know why my computer crashed today. But I do know that I learned through it. I know more about what God is like now than I did before writing about it this morning. He is God! He truly is transcendent. Above our knowledge and understanding.

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Don’t forget that God is God. The one God. The true God. The only God. My God.

I Was Robbed

Tonight when I got home from church I discovered that I had been robbed. 

Not physically like my house or bank account. But even more importantly, I had been robbed spiritually. 

I have robbed myself of the joy I should have in salvation. I get so caught up in what I’m not that I completely forget what I am as a Christian.  

I have heard it been said that comparison is the theif of joy. And man can I testify to that. 

Galations 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Whenever I get on Instagram or Facebook and Pinterest I see all the places my friends are going. I see how many likes and views other bloggers get on their post. I lust after things that I can’t afford. I want to be satisfied and happy just like these other people I see are. 

I get so enveloped in what others have that don’t see that I have made them idols. These things become idols to me because I put their significance in my life over God’s.

Maybe for you it isn’t money or likes. Maybe it is talents and gifts. 

I love to sing. And I have an okay voice, it sounds decent. Whenever I hear another person who has an incredible voice get up and sing I get jealous and even bitter towards them and myself. I compare my voice to theirs and place my self worth in what I can do. 

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfish ambition of conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

And it all roots from pride. My pride looks at others and says “I need to be as good and even better than they are, I need to be the best”. Which leads to comparison. Which leads to depression because I can’t measure up to another person because I am not them and that is not who God made me to be. 

Pride and comparison also leads to self-hate. 

I am a quiet person in general. Especially in public. To a lot of people I seem boring, and too quiet. Being a people person is always something I have struggled with. 

Whenever I start to compare myself to people I know who are sociable and fun to talk to and are just naturally good at making conversation. I start to hate myself for not being like them. I want to build walls between myself and other people. If I don’t like myself how can others?  

Comparison has robbed me of what I have as a child of God. 

God placed me in the exact spot I am in now for a reason. For a purpose that He  wants me to fulfill! 

He made me with an okay voice probably because He knew if I had a heavenly one I would be full of myself. 

He gave me my very own personality that is composed of all the different parts of my life and has made me what I am today.

He has blessed me with a job to make money and a house to live in. He gave me a wonderful husband who daily demonstrates to me God’s love and grace. 

He sent His only son to die for me. He still comes down and wraps Himself around me despite my filthy hands and my disgusting sins. 

I haved robbed myself the past few years. I stole away my joy and my peace of mind. I replaced it with things that the world duplicates as joy. But it was short lived and unstable because it depended on me. To have joy I can’t depend on myself. I have to depend on the one who is independent. 

1 Timothy 6:6 “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

Whenever you become uncontent with your life you don’t gain anything. You only steal away the joy you could have and the peace of mind you have as a child of God. Don’t rob yourself!!! Take it from an expert theif who has broken into my heart and robbed myself of joy and contentment by comparing myself to others. 

When God Remains Silent

When God Is Silent
Psalm 83:1 “O God, do not keep silence; do not hold your peace or be still, O God!”

Lately it seems every time I sit down to write a devotional, or I try to have time with God I ended up leaving discouraged. How can I help others and share to them what God has been working on me about, when God has been silent? Do you ever pray sometimes and feel like your prayers just bounce right back to you? It is really discouraging and depressing.

Whenever I reach out to God and my hands come back empty, I want to give up and forget about it. I want to find fulfillment in something else that is for certain going to bring me satisfaction. Whenever I leave empty handed I begin to doubt God. I begin to doubt His love for me. Like maybe I am not good enough right now for Him to speak to me or work on my heart. I start to get the mindset that I can somehow earn His attention.
Whenever God becomes silent He always seems to pick the worst times. Lately, we have been looking for a house, I have prayed and prayed and asked God to show us where He wants us to be, to give us confirmation somehow about what decision to make. Yet He remains quiet.

“…..do not hold your peace or be still, O God!” If there is something I need right now, it is peace from God. Because all I feel lately is stress and self-doubt.
Why would God remain silent when I am reaching and grasping and begging for His presence? When I desperately feel like I need Him now more than ever?

Matthew 7:7 says “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

That verse is a promise right? Then why don’t I feel like I’m finding anything? Why do I come back empty handed.
This is how I have felt for the past week and a half. Maybe, you have felt the same way. But what if every time I wanted to hear something from God, I did? What if every time I started seeking Him, I found Him. Just like that. Would I have any faith? Would I still put forth effort every day to show God that I earnestly want to know Him more? Or would I only seek Him when I felt like I needed Him, when He became my last option.

I learned today that Matthew 7:7 is a promise. If I seek Him, I will find Him. But it might not be in the time I would like for it to be. I might have to keep my hand reached out longer than I wish or than I feel comfortable doing. I might have to search and search and come up empty handed and discouraged. But in His timing, He will show Himself and the reunion will be that much more satisfying. How can I know the worth of what I find unless I search for it? The most expensive, valuable, and beautiful jewels are the ones that take effort and time to discover. They are hard to find.

When God remains silent it might be for a day, a week, two weeks, a month… maybe years. Whether it is a prayer request or just a daily study. But don’t lose faith. If you seek Him you will find Him. That is a promise from God Almighty! It can be discouraging coming back empty handed, I know. The past week I have been in the depths of despair because I keep coming back empty from my quiet time with God. But I know that I will find Him, because He loves me and you enough to make Himself accsessible to us through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.

So next time God remains silent don’t lose faith. In fact, have more faith because you know that you will find. And don’t go looking elsewhere for something to fill that place where God is suppose to be. The pleasures of this world are quick, easy, and will quickly fade away. But what God gives you is everlasting, and fulfilling. It just might take some time and faith while God remains silent, but when He does speak it will be sweeter and more fulfilling than ever before.

My Way Or The Highway

Today I was listening to a devotional on YouTube by The Vigilant Christian (I’ll link it at the end of this post). He started to explain something that I knew in my head, but didn’t quite understand it in my heart. I had one of those “duh” moments. When I know I knew something, but it didn’t quite hit me until this morning.
Whenever a Christian does God’s will, God receives the glory for it. Because ultimately that is His will in all that we do, to point back at Him. However, when we as Christians (and this goes to unbelievers too), do our own thing, the glory goes to Satan. I have always thought that if I just do my own thing, I’m not really doing anything that bad. I always thought that it didn’t effect anyone, and that I was just slacking off on doing God’s will.
But the truth is, that whenever I do “my own thing”. I am giving Satan the glory.

Matthew 7:14-15 ESV “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide, and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

There are 2 ways in life, not three! The wide gate and the narrow gate. Whenever you decide to do your own thing and stray from doing God’s will, you start to go towards the wide gate. You don’t have to be a Satanist or an Atheist or a Hillary Clinton supporter to give Satan the glory (couldn’t resist that last one sorry;). All you have to do is start by giving the glory to yourself rather than to God.

In fact, someone gave the glory to himself instead of God a looonnnggg time ago and look what happened… (Ezekiel 28:17) “Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you.” ( Full account can be found in Ezekiel 28:11-19)

That verse is talking about Satan himself! Doing his own thing is why he was cast down in the first place! Do you not think that Satan will try to use that very same tactic on us as Christians? If you don’t, just look around you. Every thing in our society today is about fulfilling the desires of the flesh. It is practically a playground for Satan.

1 Peter 5:8 ESV “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

It is easy for me to make excuses about choosing my will instead of God’s especially when I think that it doesn’t really do harm to anyone. But the truth is, whenever I chase after my will, and things that will bring me glory, I am pointing right back to Satan.

Luke 9:23 “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Remember, there are two path to choose, the narrow and the wide. There isn’t three, the narrow, the wide, and then my own way. So be watchful that you choose to do the will of God and to bring Him glory. Every other way that you try to follow (including your own) will just be to the glory of Satan.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principlities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Maybe, like me, you had a “duh” moment or maybe you read this and thought “I can’t believe she is just now realizing this, that was in Christianity 101?!”

Either way, as a Christian be watchful about what you do and for whose will it is for. Now that God has shown me this, I look back and see all the ways I had given Satan the glory when I thought I was just doing my own thing for a little bit. Stay steadfast! Yes, I will mess up again but that is where grace comes in. And God’s grace in my life when I do “my own thing” just points right back to him. So even if we mess up, remember that God has already won the battle! We just need to be watchful for ways Satan will try to use us for his own glory.

Here is the link for the video from The Vigilant Christian. His video was what made me realize what I wrote about today!  But he explains it waayyy simpler than I do;P Plus, it is only 5 minutes long so definitely check out his channel!