I Don’t Love My Husband

“Tj when we get home do you care taking Moose out to go potty while I hop in the shower?” (moose is our puppy)

“Sure.”

….. It wasn’t that he said sure. But it was the way he said it.  

“Whatever Tj.”

We got home, he took Moose outside and I got in the shower seriously debating on whether or not to leave him any hot water (I’m a monster, I know.) 

While I was in there debating on whether or not to give into my pride I remembered something I had read earlier today in A Woman’s Walk With GOD by Elizabeth George.

“Love is the sacrifice of self.” 

Earlier today when I was reading that book in my room, cup of coffee in my hand. It seemed like a great concept and all. But now a couple hours later, I’m not so sure…

 The truth is, I knew this for awhile. God is love. God sent his only Son to die. Jesus sacrificed his life for us. As a Christian I am suppose to show His love to everyone around me. It just never really clicked until today that love is sacrificing my pride, my comfort, my  energy, my time, my rest, my wants, my needs, my opinions, my desires, for someone elses. 

Matthew 20:28 “even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

True love is not self seeking.

William Barclay said “Love means that no matter what a man may do to us by way of insult or injury or humiliation we will never seek anything else but his highest good…never..seek anything but the best even for those who seek the worst for us.”

Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

As  wife I am called to put Tj’s needs before mine. Not because I love him, but because I am suppose to demonstrate God’s love for him. The only way I will ever be able to truly love someone is if it is from God. Not only that, but because I love God, I should want to love others.  

Maybe you don’t have a husband. But if you are a Christian, this still applies to you. We are called to love our neighbors, our enemies, our friends, our family, that mean lady in the checkout line, the annoying co-worker, the bully at school or work, etc…. (John 13:34) (Matthew 5:43-45)

But if you aren’t saved and you never received Christ into your heart, then you don’t know what true love is. You can’t truly love someone. 

Whenever Jesus died on the cross to take the payment for our sins, and He rose again in three days, He showed us the greatest act of self-sacrificing love. He literally sacrficed himself for our sake. If you want self sacrificing love in your life, if you want to love someone with a self-sacrificing love, you can only do that if you received it from God himself by admiting that you are a sinner worthy of death, and that you believe Jesus was the Son of God and rose from the dead. 

Romans 3:23-24 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

So, yes I love Tj. But I don’t always love him like I suppose to.

I don’t think I had a choice in falling in love with TJ (that was God’s plan). But  I do have a choice in loving him everyday with a self sacrificing love that can only come from God. 

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No. I Don’t Wear Panty Hose.

Scared is an understatement.
This Sunday will be my first day at a new church, in a new town, and my first day on the job as pastor’s wife… Well, associates pastors wife but after a month or two pastors wife.

Anyways.
I can handle new people. I have met more new people in the past year than I have my entire life. New towns I can handle too. I live in a town that is literally the width of the gas station and post office. But being a pastor’s wife….. that is something new.
I have only really known 2 pastors wives throughout my life. One was my teacher in highschool, and the other I never talked to. So it is safe to say I have absolutely no idea what people expect out of a pastors wife. And trust me when I say I have done my research! I have read countless blogs and yahoo answers on it. But that doesn’t make up for the lack of experience I have.
And yes I know that pastor’s wives are supposed to be the “supreme being of godliness“, always cooking casseroles and remembering names and sitting on the front row taking notes. But honestly… I hate casseroles. I’m awful with names. And when I sit on the front row I literally pay no attention to the message (I’m paranoid about people sitting right behind me:P).
So in that aspect, I have already “failed” at becoming a pastor’s wife. (Did I mention I never wear panty-hose? I think there is this prejudice about pastor’s wives wearing panty hose.. maybe that is just me though haha) I don’t have much guidance, experience, or know how.

The night we first met the pastor of this new church, his wife looked at me and said the church isn’t expecting anything out of me, except to love my husband and support him.
Now that I can do.
I won’t try to act like I have it all together and put on a front. But I will try to love as Christ loved. To minister to the hurting like He did. To feed the hungry and to love the unlovable.
Because I don’t want others to look at me and see an ordinary little ole pastors wife. But as a christian. Living a christian life is something every saved person is supposed to do, not just the Pastor’s wife.
So this upcoming week I will try to stop setting standards for myself, and just be myself. I will try to stop thinking about how other’s will see me and start seeing other’s how Christ sees them. I’ll quit questioning why God chose me for this role and start seeing ways in which this role as pastor’s wife was made for me.